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  • Caroline Wright

On "must have coffee"

Updated: Aug 15, 2021

For my last post, I mentioned deal-breakers. These are individual relationship preferences that determine a person’s wants and needs, formulated to help guide someone through their dating process in order to select a better match. When seriously reflecting on what’s gone right or wrong in a relationship, one can learn to make better decisions—whether still browsing profiles, before agreeing to go on a date, or when the time comes to let go.

There are serious deal-breakers and also not-so-serious ones, but even the quirky ones can have a rather serious impact. For example, I have this theory I would struggle to form a sustainable relationship with someone who did not drink coffee.

That’s right. I found several patterns and behaviors over a long period of time to be negatively associated with lack of the morning ritual I enjoy immensely.

When men I dated didn’t drink coffee, I found they often… -Drank caffeinated soda (pop) first thing in the morning instead

-Slept in late or took long and frequent naps

-Worked odd hours that didn’t jibe with my circadian rhythm

-Had a different addiction worse than a caffeine addiction

For my correlation of 'no coffee equals no for dating', I can only chalk up experience and a few anecdotes as evidence. However, I believe those must count for something.


I know another poet who shares the same sentiments as me. Here's a poem from her new book.

Coffee Date

Stealing glances…

Those ice-blue


You lift

the cup

to pouty






Caramel foam compliments

your ginger



to know you.

(Shanti Arts Publishing, 2021)


Everyone is different, but a certain level of sameness or like-mindedness is reassuring for me, especially when it involves waking up with someone who shares so closely my morning routine.

My SO drinks coffee. He prepares our pot of joe in the morning with enough for him (most of the pot) and plenty, too, for my daily portion. He likes his black but will add just the right amount of cream to make mine ‘dirty’, how I like it. There’s a level of attentiveness with this one I don’t remember having with the others, thus making what we have rather significant.

There's a level of collaboration, heightened conversation, and a keen observance of each other during specific periods: BC (before coffee), and AC (after coffee). Like our personalities, coffee has flavor profiles, add-ins, and can be tolerated warm or cold. (Though we both prefer it on the warm side.)

As I took to my theory, whenever someone asked to meet over a drink, I made a point to suggest the brew be poured slowly and at a local coffee shop.

Because if there's no coffee, I no longer see the point.


Sheree K. Nielsen is an award-winning author, poet and photographer living in Missouri. Sheree believes that every picture tells a story, so she combines her love of photography and writing with colorful visual descriptions and healing messages found in essays, poems and children’s books.

Sheree's latest book, Coffee Coma: Poems & photos about our love affair & life with coffee

(Shanti Arts Publishing, 2021) is out now! Click here to learn more.

Check out Sheree's Warm Fuzzies blog anytime, or visit her on social media:

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