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On understanding "that" guy

April 18, 2019

 

Every gal probably knows the guy I know. He's the guy who talks in flirts. Like when I say I'm off to poetry class, he tells me to write a poem for him. When I ask him about his broken arm, he's ready with a Sharpie for me to sign his cast,  but after I do, tells me I forgot to draw a heart around my name.

 

Yeah, that guy. I want to be nice to that guy. I want to say hello to that guy.  But, every time I forget that I mustn't, he reminds me. His wannabe compliments leave me equal parts smiling awkwardly and rolling my eyes.

 

Dating an Onion

 

Opposites may attract                                                         

for the initial hello,                                                               

but I worry I have more layers                                          

than you.                                                                               

 

For you its chocolate milk every morning

at Speedway;

sandwiches 

for both lunch and dinner. 

 

For me it's crepes with jam and coffee

from anywhere but a gas station

and I'm pretty sure I gave up sandwiches

in 2014.

 

For you its pubs 

wearing worn t-shirt and jeans, 

ordering beer 

and complaining about money.

 

Though I, too, pinch pennies

and enjoy a good beer, in jeans,

I most prefer a Martini 

in a rather festive dress.

 

Nothing wrong with

being simple,

but I sense my layers

are more complex.

 


It's true cutting through onions can make you cry. They contain a chemical irritant known as syn-propanethial-S-oxide. I once had to put on a snorkel while preparing onions for a dinner with my grandmother; which, by the way, didn't help, but led to some good laughter and a more than decent meal. However, if you simply avoid cutting through the base of the onion—opposite the root—you'll likely spare yourself from looking like you just went through a break-up. And it works just about every time.

 

Yes, onions (a.k.a., more complex people) have layers. However, those layers are relatively harmless and can be quite delicious and fun to peel; that is, if you find you like onions. Plus, they'll add a nice "zip" to just about any situation or plate. So, peel away.  However, their bases, when cut (much like the proverbial button, when pushed), may irritate.

 

Why do some people insist on cutting through a base or pushing a button when they know, in the end, they'll be the ones tearing up? 

 

In other words, why be "that" guy? Especially when the gal is an onion and she's genuinely rooting for you.

 

Grace Millard is a graphic designer from Detroit, MI.  Her art has appeared in exhibitions across Detroit, including the NO Show, where her feature piece appeared as part of a mini comic called "Personal Space." She also wrote and illustrated her own chapbook, I Tried To Tell You.

 

For more, visit her website or follow her on Instagram.

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